Heart Attack on a Plate

You ever wake up and feel like “fuck a bowl of oatmeal”? You ever want something so fattening, so boorish, so wrong that you’re just like “Fuck it, I’ll hafta run 5 miles to keep this off my ass but right now I’m going for it!” and then you let out a battle cry and race to the kitchen? Yeah, I thought so. Luckily, you’re in good company.

For the young of artery, I present to you:

The Breakfast Burger
Yes, I am a serious as a fucking heart attack. (knock on wood)

Fry up a coupla strips of bacon. Then take a 1/4 lb of ground pork and smash it into a patty. Salt and pepper on both sides, and fry in the bacon fat. Throw some sliced onions and mushrooms in the pan with the pork and bacon fat. Meanwhile, fry an egg over easy. Toast a hamburger bun, and place the patty down, top with some sharp cheddar (Swiss would be great, too), then the bacon, then the mushrooms/onions, then the fried egg and give a crack of pepper and a dribble of hot sauce.

Look at the money shot! The drippy yolks are gravy. Serve with fried potatoes. Also, if you’re eating breakfast after 12:00 noon, you can have a beer with this and it does not make you an alcoholic. I washed this beast down with an ice-cold Spaten.