Gilding the Lily since 2006
I guess I’m finally tired enough of eating premenstrual cravings for dinner every night and can cook again, but I still don’t feel like busting out a carefully-metered recipe at 10:00 on a work night. So I’ll just describe and you can figure it out. …
I needed to take a little vacay from the blogging for a few days, because when my hobbies start to feel like a second job, I usually abandon them altogether. I don’t want that to happen! I don’t want to resent my blog. Also, I …
Work’s been kicking my ass the past few days. I worked ~16 hours today, which included a two hour-long (mediated) fight with a senior coworker, and can’t fathom cooking. Yet I can fathom blogging?
Okay, I asked the hubz if he’d consider fixing something to eat. He said he had given it some thought, but couldn’t come up with anything. That means “I’m not that hungry, so I can’t possibly come up with any meal idea, not even for my starving and overworked wife.”
So I ask him if he can boil some fucking blue box and heat up a can of chili. He supposes he can. I know it sounds like an abortion, but a bowl of mac n’ chee with some Nalley’s dumped on top is pretty damn good. And hey, I use the vegetarian Nalley’s (yes, they actually make that), so I get some good fiber and protein without the “chili meat” that is, I’m pretty sure, only barely legally fit for human consumption.
Chili-Mac
Box of mac n’ chee
Can of chili
Tater tots
Lawry’s seasoned salt
Ketchup
Cook the box of mac n’ chee according to box directions and/or personal taste. Heat up a can of chili and dump it over the top. Serve with tater tots that have been sprinkled with Lawry’s (optional). Pairs well with a Maker’s and Diet Coke.
Since I really am completely white trash on my insides, I put ketchup on my mac n’ chee. Oh, don’t look at me like that.
I’ve been making it for pert’neer a decade. It’s fast, easy and requires nearly no attention. And Rachael Ray can shove it up her Photoshopped ass, ‘cuz this takes less than 30 minutes, and I didn’t even have to fake any cooking talent to make …
Okay, some of you know that I have a day job: I’m a field biologist working in natural resources consulting. I grew up watching a lot of David Attenborough programs. I have seen a lot of crazy shit in my life (truth really is stranger …
You ever wake up and feel like “fuck a bowl of oatmeal”? You ever want something so fattening, so boorish, so wrong that you’re just like “Fuck it, I’ll hafta run 5 miles to keep this off my ass but right now I’m going for it!” and then you let out a battle cry and race to the kitchen? Yeah, I thought so. Luckily, you’re in good company.
For the young of artery, I present to you:
The Breakfast Burger
Yes, I am a serious as a fucking heart attack. (knock on wood)
Fry up a coupla strips of bacon. Then take a 1/4 lb of ground pork and smash it into a patty. Salt and pepper on both sides, and fry in the bacon fat. Throw some sliced onions and mushrooms in the pan with the pork and bacon fat. Meanwhile, fry an egg over easy. Toast a hamburger bun, and place the patty down, top with some sharp cheddar (Swiss would be great, too), then the bacon, then the mushrooms/onions, then the fried egg and give a crack of pepper and a dribble of hot sauce.
Look at the money shot! The drippy yolks are gravy. Serve with fried potatoes. Also, if you’re eating breakfast after 12:00 noon, you can have a beer with this and it does not make you an alcoholic. I washed this beast down with an ice-cold Spaten.
…or, Happy Black History Month I wanted to make a special Black History Month post, just to say “hey, Black People, thanks for helping make American food so fucking great! Cuz’ if we didn’t have soul food then I just don’t know what.” Have you …
Or, Why Gluten-Free Vegans Bug the Shit Out of Me. Gluten? The fuck? Okay, here’s the thing: if you have celiac disease and actually can’t digest gluten, then that’s one thing. That really fucking sucks for you, but you’re getting by just fine eating a …
Spanish tortilla reminds me of a frittata. I suspect they are the Bobsey-twins of the egg family. It’s like an open-faced omelette that is started on the stove and finished in the oven. A perfect light supper or Saturday brunch. Núria can probably testify. Can I get a witness?
Red kale and potato tortilla
Serves 4 as a first course or two as a light dinner
1 fist-sized white or Yukon gold potato, scrubbed and diced
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tbsp minced shallot
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp fresh thyme
pinch red chili flake
3 tbsp julienned sun-dried tomatoes or chopped fresh ones
3 c kale chiffonade (2 or 3 leaves, destemmed)
4 eggs, lightly beaten (or 2 eggs and 1/2 egg white for a lighter, fluffier version)
1/3 c grated manchego
Preheat your oven to 350. Heat a little oil over medium heat in a medium-sized skillet. Saute the shallot for a minute and toss in the potatoes. Stir the potatoes around and add the garlic and seasonings. When the potato starts to stick to the pan add about a half cup of water and put a lid on it. Let it simmer in there until the potato softens up to your liking. Remove the lid and stir the starchy liquid around, and then add the tomato and kale. Stir this around until the kale wilts a bit. Give it some cracks of pepper and a pinch of salt.
Slowly pour the eggs over the top of the veggies, and let it sit in the hot pan for a minute until it begins to set up a bit. Then sprinkle the cheese over the top. Bake for like 10 minutes.
(Okay, you caught me. There’s a bit of crumbled sausage in there too. You can add if you like but it’s of no consequence to omit.)
Serve in wedges. I like mine with some toasted como. If you were to have this for dinner you could add a nice mixed green salad.
I am a little embarrassed to admit that I try to eat healthy during the week so I can binge on weekends. No, I don’t have a disorder, but if I ate the way I want to every day I would have an ass the …